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Great book and really highlights the importance of having good communication with others. The authors talk about what is at play and you would be amazed at how many personal and work situations you can apply the teachings to. Happy to have read this book!
If interested in negotiation you will find this book to be of added value as many books on negotiation cover only the rational aspects of negotiation. This book follows the Harvard Program on Negotiation (PON) school of thought of going for win-win interactions.
Emotions do happen and this book covers nicely possible approaches in dealing with this important element (while keeping full respect for yourself and for the other party at the negotiation table).
The 5 key points covered here (express appreciation, build affiliation, respect autonomy, acknowledge status and role) are very handy to know and to apply whether you are negotiating, building a (business) relationship or dealing with customers at all levels (business development, consulting, sales, contract negotiation, complaint handling, problem solving,...).
If interested in negotiation I would suggest reading additional material as this book only deals with the emotional aspects. I would certainly suggest Beyond winning, Getting to Yes, Getting past No, Negotiation Genius, 3D Negotiation, Hostage at the table, or any negotiation course at Harvard Law School - the Program on Negotiation (PON).
A great read...
I The Big Picture 1. Emotions are powerful, always present, and hard to handle 2. Address the concern, not the emotion
II Take the initiative 3. Express appreciation - Find merit in what others think, feel or do and show it 4. Build Affiliation - Turn an adversary into a colleague 5. Respect autonomy - Expand yours (and don't impinge upon theirs) 6. Acknowledge status - Recognize high standing wherever deserved 7. Choose a fulfilling role - and select the activities within in
III Some additional advice 8. On strong negative emotions - They happen. Be ready. 9. On being prepared - Prepare on process, substance, and emotion 10. On using these ideas in the `Real world' - A personal account by Jamil Mahuad, former president of Ecuador
IV Conclusion V End matter
Seven elements of negotiation Glossary Works consulted Acknowledgements Analytical table of contents About the authors
Good practical guide to make you think about the way you communicate with others, whether they are a family member, work colleague or complete stranger, and not just in a strict negotiation setting as the title may wrongly suggest. It must be said, the book is not about manipulating emotions, our own or those of others, but rather it provides an advice on how we can positively work with our emotions to reach agreement. The authors distinguish and focus on five 'core concerns' that motivate people: appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status and a fulfilling role. I am pretty sure each will strike a chord with you to some extent and cause you to re-assess the way you interact with others. It certainly did so for me.
A great read with lots of real-life examples that you will easily be able to relate to with your own experiences. Indeed, if you are one of those people who are always looking to do a bit of introspection and improve your character, then I cannot recommend this book for you enough.
My original copy disappeared mysteriouslyafter I mentioned to someone how much I liked it! Nice to have a copy again; I particularly relate to the concepts explored, appreciation (seems this is often in short suppy), respecting autonomy and thr role of acknowledgement in relationships whether personal or in the work setting.