I am the mother of two boys, ages 11 and 13, and I found this book to be the best ever sex education book. The first and perhaps most impressive aspect of the book is that it not only helps you see your child's sexuality through his/her eyes, it also portrays the parents' point of view in a helpful and sympathetic way.
The second element that makes the book so effective is its down-to-earth humor. The authors review the phases of children's sexual development and parental experiences with many funny real life examples that get you chuckling and relaxing. In fact, my boys heard me laughing as I read one section and came over to ask about it. They read the part I was reading and it lead to a very comfortable discussion.
A third aspect of the book I appreciated is that the authors have really done their research. They are not just giving their opinions, they provide concise research information which adds perspective.
Lastly, the authors are very comprehensive. They include savvy advice on everything from what to do if your child walks in on you, to internet and IM use, adolescent rebellion, how to talk about homosexuality, and what if you don't like your child's boyfrind/girlfriend.
Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know...was written in such a way that it reduced my inhibitions about talking about sex with my boys, and it provided great, simple advice on the nitty gritty of how to do it.
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Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens Hardcover – Feb. 11 2003
by
Justin Richardson
(Author),
Mark Schuster
(Author)
| Justin Richardson (Author) Find all the books, read about the author and more. See search results for this author |
| Amazon Price | New from | Used from |
Enhance your purchase
Written by two Harvard-trained doctors, this one-of-a-kind survival guide helps parents stay sane through every stage of their child’s sexual development—from infancy to the teen years and beyond.
Our generation was supposed to have sex all figured out. We knew it was healthy. We were too cool to ever get flustered. Then we had kids. And when those kids showed up with sexual ambitions of their own, suddenly we didn’t feel so cool anymore. In fact, the confusion, fear, and (let’s face it) outright panic we felt the moment our five-year-olds started asking, “Mommy, do you like to rub your wiener, too?” might have done our own parents proud.
Well, understanding kids’ sexuality doesn’t have to be an angst-ridden enterprise. With confidence, wisdom, and humor, Dr. Justin Richardson, a psychiatrist and noted consultant on youth and sex, and Dr. Mark A. Schuster, a pediatrician and leading researcher on parenting strategies and adolescent sexuality, help us regain our equilibrium with this remarkable book.
Smart, frank, and occasionally hilarious, this comprehensive guide offers practical and often surprising answers to the questions that bedevil parents at every stage in their children’s coming-of-age. What do you say when your four-year-old daughter walks in on you having sex? What about when you walk in on her and the girl next door finger painting each other’s bottoms? What, exactly, should you tell your third-grader about sex, and if he says, “That’s gross!” does that mean you’ve said too much? And what about teenagers? Should you buy your son condoms? Should you try to prevent your daughter from having sex? Does telling her to wait actually work? Drs. Richardson and Schuster tackle these and countless other crucial challenges you’re likely to face in the first twenty or so years of your children’s lives.
Packed with the latest research on parenting techniques and childhood sexuality and filled with helpful stories from real parents about what worked (and what didn’t) with their kids, this authoritative volume offers advice and comfort to anyone who is hoping to have a productive dialogue with young people about sex. Whether your focus is on protecting your teens from STDs or raising your little ones to understand their bodies, Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask) is an indispensable resource that is sure to leave you educated, entertained, and relieved.
Our generation was supposed to have sex all figured out. We knew it was healthy. We were too cool to ever get flustered. Then we had kids. And when those kids showed up with sexual ambitions of their own, suddenly we didn’t feel so cool anymore. In fact, the confusion, fear, and (let’s face it) outright panic we felt the moment our five-year-olds started asking, “Mommy, do you like to rub your wiener, too?” might have done our own parents proud.
Well, understanding kids’ sexuality doesn’t have to be an angst-ridden enterprise. With confidence, wisdom, and humor, Dr. Justin Richardson, a psychiatrist and noted consultant on youth and sex, and Dr. Mark A. Schuster, a pediatrician and leading researcher on parenting strategies and adolescent sexuality, help us regain our equilibrium with this remarkable book.
Smart, frank, and occasionally hilarious, this comprehensive guide offers practical and often surprising answers to the questions that bedevil parents at every stage in their children’s coming-of-age. What do you say when your four-year-old daughter walks in on you having sex? What about when you walk in on her and the girl next door finger painting each other’s bottoms? What, exactly, should you tell your third-grader about sex, and if he says, “That’s gross!” does that mean you’ve said too much? And what about teenagers? Should you buy your son condoms? Should you try to prevent your daughter from having sex? Does telling her to wait actually work? Drs. Richardson and Schuster tackle these and countless other crucial challenges you’re likely to face in the first twenty or so years of your children’s lives.
Packed with the latest research on parenting techniques and childhood sexuality and filled with helpful stories from real parents about what worked (and what didn’t) with their kids, this authoritative volume offers advice and comfort to anyone who is hoping to have a productive dialogue with young people about sex. Whether your focus is on protecting your teens from STDs or raising your little ones to understand their bodies, Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask) is an indispensable resource that is sure to leave you educated, entertained, and relieved.
- Print length400 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherCrown
- Publication dateFeb. 11 2003
- Dimensions16.36 x 3.2 x 24.31 cm
- ISBN-100812931572
- ISBN-13978-0812931570
Product description
From Publishers Weekly
Richardson, an assistant psychiatry professor at Columbia and Cornell who maintains a private practice in psychiatry, and Schuster, a UCLA associate professor of pediatrics and public health and the founding director of a CDC-sponsored adolescent health center, bring extraordinary expertise and scintillating intelligence to this guide to coping with a child's sexual maturation. Acknowledging that kids are "inherently sexual" (male fetuses, for example, have erections in utero), the authors show how parents can influence their children's sexual development in healthy ways through honest communication. With this forthright and reassuring volume, the Richardson and Schuster prove themselves models of that skill. They walk readers through the development of an average girl and boy, from infant "seeds" of sexuality to teenager's first experience of intercourse, and fearlessly cover topics from toddler sex play to dating, love, homosexuality, masturbation, birth control, STDs and pregnancy. Thoroughly researched, extremely well written and chock-full of personal stories from parents, this "survival guide" should be required reading for any parent who believes in being open about these touchy issues.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
"Your kids' sexuality is bound to make you squeamish." No kidding. For parents whose tots are playing doctor in the garage and whose teens are pleading for coed sleepovers, here is some help. With wry humor as well as comments from folks who have been there, Richardson and Schuster combine experience in pediatrics and psychiatry to lend a frank helping hand (the emphasis is developmental and practical) by exploring not only the science and the time line of children's sexual development but also what is at stake when sex is up for discussion, whether the topic is abstinence, pleasure, feelings, responsibility, orientation, or STDs. Suggestions on handling "Big Talk" situations are here in plenty, as are clues to guiding children "from high chair to high school" toward making the right choices for themselves. Does talking to your children about sex help? Richardson and Schuster admit that, from a scientific standpoint, the jury remains out, but they still think the answer is an unequivocal yes. Stephanie Zvirin
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
“A wonderfully sophisticated set of answers to the questions that make even the most confident of parents squirm! These two experts have crafted the essential guide to managing the vast array of challenges involving kids and sex. Simultaneously wise and funny, this highly accessible book will help parents safely through what might otherwise seem like a thicket of anxiety and confusion. A must-read for every thoughtful and caring parent.”
—William Pollack, author of Real Boys and codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical Center
“A comprehensive and factual resource on a very delicate subject presented in a humorous and entertaining style. The authors cover all the bases, but do so with a light and sensitive touch. I would not hesitate to recommend this book to the parents of my patients.”
—Joe M. Sanders, M.D., executive director of the American Academy of Pediatrics
“I wished I had asked these questions. A sensitive and intelligent look at sexuality written with candor and creativity, this book will open the discussion for all the important issues.” —Wendy Wasserstein, author of Shiksa Goddess and The Heidi Chronicles
“In their warm, non-judgmental way, Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster guide us through our children's sexual development with the perfect mix of humor, wisdom, and straightforward information. I highly recommend this book for every parent.”
—Ruth Bell, coauthor of Changing Bodies, Changing Lives
—William Pollack, author of Real Boys and codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical Center
“A comprehensive and factual resource on a very delicate subject presented in a humorous and entertaining style. The authors cover all the bases, but do so with a light and sensitive touch. I would not hesitate to recommend this book to the parents of my patients.”
—Joe M. Sanders, M.D., executive director of the American Academy of Pediatrics
“I wished I had asked these questions. A sensitive and intelligent look at sexuality written with candor and creativity, this book will open the discussion for all the important issues.” —Wendy Wasserstein, author of Shiksa Goddess and The Heidi Chronicles
“In their warm, non-judgmental way, Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster guide us through our children's sexual development with the perfect mix of humor, wisdom, and straightforward information. I highly recommend this book for every parent.”
—Ruth Bell, coauthor of Changing Bodies, Changing Lives
From the Back Cover
“A wonderfully sophisticated set of answers to the questions that make even the most confident of parents squirm! These two experts have crafted the essential guide to managing the vast array of challenges involving kids and sex. Simultaneously wise and funny, this highly accessible book will help parents safely through what might otherwise seem like a thicket of anxiety and confusion. A must-read for every thoughtful and caring parent.”
—William Pollack, author of Real Boys and codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical Center
“A comprehensive and factual resource on a very delicate subject presented in a humorous and entertaining style. The authors cover all the bases, but do so with a light and sensitive touch. I would not hesitate to recommend this book to the parents of my patients.”
—Joe M. Sanders, M.D., executive director of the American Academy of Pediatrics
“I wished I had asked these questions. A sensitive and intelligent look at sexuality written with candor and creativity, this book will open the discussion for all the important issues.” —Wendy Wasserstein, author of Shiksa Goddess and The Heidi Chronicles
“In their warm, non-judgmental way, Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster guide us through our children's sexual development with the perfect mix of humor, wisdom, and straightforward information. I highly recommend this book for every parent.”
—Ruth Bell, coauthor of Changing Bodies, Changing Lives
—William Pollack, author of Real Boys and codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical Center
“A comprehensive and factual resource on a very delicate subject presented in a humorous and entertaining style. The authors cover all the bases, but do so with a light and sensitive touch. I would not hesitate to recommend this book to the parents of my patients.”
—Joe M. Sanders, M.D., executive director of the American Academy of Pediatrics
“I wished I had asked these questions. A sensitive and intelligent look at sexuality written with candor and creativity, this book will open the discussion for all the important issues.” —Wendy Wasserstein, author of Shiksa Goddess and The Heidi Chronicles
“In their warm, non-judgmental way, Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster guide us through our children's sexual development with the perfect mix of humor, wisdom, and straightforward information. I highly recommend this book for every parent.”
—Ruth Bell, coauthor of Changing Bodies, Changing Lives
About the Author
JUSTIN RICHARDSON, M.D., is an assistant professor of psychiatry at Columbia and Cornell universities and a well-known authority on kids and sex.
MARK A. SCHUSTER, M.D., PH.D., is an associate professor of pediatrics and public health at UCLA,
codirector of the Center for Child and Adolescent Health Research at RAND, and director of the UCLA/RAND Center for Adolescent Health Promotion.
MARK A. SCHUSTER, M.D., PH.D., is an associate professor of pediatrics and public health at UCLA,
codirector of the Center for Child and Adolescent Health Research at RAND, and director of the UCLA/RAND Center for Adolescent Health Promotion.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
How did this happen?
The natural history of your child's sexuality
You are flat on your back. Your shirt is pulled up over your belly, and your pants are down around your hips. Someone has just squirted a glob of cold jelly below your navel. This is one of those miraculous moments in life that doesn't always live up to its billing in terms of physical comfort. The ultrasound.
Your main concern is whether the baby will be normal. But you are hoping for a little fun. "I want to see a face," you say, craning up from the table. And you want to know if it's a girl or a boy. The last time they said they couldn't be sure.
The radiologist starts sliding the probe over your belly.
"There's the head."
"The head? Where?" She bends the monitor in your direction.
"See, right here."
You see something that looks like a blizzard being broadcast on a 1969 Magnavox.
"Where?" (Is she pressing harder?)
"Here, right here, see that?"
She is definitely pressing harder. You consider humoring her. Then a ghostly face appears in the snow. It is tiny, but it is a face. You can make out a delicate profile: an eye, and a nose, and cupped up near its open mouth, a tiny . . . something.
A burger?
"That's its left hand."
A left hand! The baby looks so sweet and tranquil, as if it's asleep. A sleeping angel. A staticky sleeping angel.
"It's a boy."
You are now in a new part of the blizzard.
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure. See, here? Between the legs?" Now she is pressing with real excitement.
"Oh yeah, those are legs. I definitely see them."
"Well, if you look right between them, you can just make it out."
"Make what out?"
"His penis. You see? He's got an erection."
"A what?"
An erection.
Your Child Is Already Sexual
We know two things about children's sexual development: Children learn about sex from the world. And children are inherently sexual.
We have all easily accepted the first idea. The second one gives us a little more trouble.
At least since the Enlightenment days of John Locke, the idea of a child as a blank slate scribbled on by the world has been a favorite. Nowhere has this idea held more sway than in the area of sexuality: We like to think our children are born without it.
A hundred years ago, the Victorians, who perfected the idea of the innocent child, made a science out of sheltering children from knowledge about sex, going so far as to clothe suggestively nude piano legs with ruffled skirts. Children were innocents. Adults were sexual. If children became sexual, it must be through the influence of adults. Just as we worry about the effects of the Internet today, Victorian heads of household feared the nursemaid might kindle randy thoughts in their children while Mother and Father were away.
Little wonder the world considered Freud's theories of the inherent sexuality of children about as welcome as salmonella at a state dinner.
We have learned a lot about the sexual development of children since Freud first alarmed our ancestors. Many of the specifics within his theory have been discarded. But the core of his heretical idea remains. Sexuality, we understand, develops naturally in all children. Its seeds can be found in infants, and it unfolds into mature sexual feeling in children as they grow, whether we tell them what it all means or remain resolutely silent.
How does this happen? How does an erection on an ultrasound evolve into the complex mating ritual practiced in a school stairwell by a nervous eleventh grader and his best friend's girlfriend's sister?
We are going to answer this question in a moment, to the extent that it's possible, by walking you through the sexual development of one girl and one boy. By the time these two are approaching adulthood, you will have learned all you need to know about the way a child becomes sexual. Throughout the book, we will revisit each of the issues these two lives raise. But before we start inspecting those particular trees, we want you to have a clear view of the forest.
As you will soon discover, sexuality isn't created in a child by her first sex education class. Nor is it turned on by a single hormonal switch that gets flipped at puberty. Instead, try thinking of sexuality as something assembled by each developing child over a period of years out of component parts. Some of the components a child will use for this job are on hand at birth, such as her genitals. When you get a baby girl, the vulva is included, and even before she can speak she will discover that touching her genitals feels good. It looks like there's something sexual about that act, but full-fledged sexuality requires more than sensitive genitals.
With time, this element will connect with other elements not available during infancy. Fantasies of being close to another person may come along several years later. When they do, a child will find that having these fantasies makes her genitals especially sensitive. The pleasure of touching them increases, and from then on, that pleasure is linked with thoughts of being with other people. Now something that resembles our grown-up image of sexuality is beginning to take shape.
In every child's life, several basic elements will grow and combine to form her nascent sexuality. Consider them sexuality's wheels and gears. They are:
*Spontaneous genital arousals
*Pleasurable genital self-stimulation
*Exploratory "sex play" with peers
*Attractions to others
*Fantasies of sex
*The ever-maturing ability to love
To make a long story very, very short: Over the course of a childhood, arousals that were once spontaneous start being cued by attractions to people. Arousing attractions then get linked to fantasies of sexual behavior. And when fantasies stimulate sexual experimentation with peers, an adultlike sexuality is born-at an age young enough to make the average parent gasp.
Obviously, someone needs to learn how to drive this thing. And so, as she is assembling these components, a child will also be developing the intellectual understanding, the moral structure, and the psychological maturity necessary to steer her burgeoning sexuality.
Whatever her childhood experiences, whether she's raised at a nudist colony or learns to sound out the word abstinence in preschool, every child will fashion and refashion some kind of working sexual scooter as she grows. Of course, how it is assembled and how it looks will differ depending on her particular temperament and life experiences. As you may know from your own experience, your child's sexuality will be added to and altered throughout her life. Sexual development never ends.
But we are getting ahead of ourselves.
Let's take a visit to a sleepy community hospital where, side by side in the nursery, are two infants, one a wriggly little newborn-a girl-and one a tiny bald boy, silently sleeping.
Welcome Eloise and Max.
Infants and Toddlers (Birth to Age Two)
Max is born with all the equipment a little boy needs. Before he leaves the hospital, something alarming will be done to his penis. Eloise, who is born with all the equipment a little girl needs, will not suffer any such surprise. They are bundled up and swept off to their new homes. Once there, they will get a lot of action going simply by crying. That action will include a good deal of diapering.
As with other newborns, at diaper time Eloise's and Max's parents may be able to observe that they have spontaneous arousals. Max will develop an erection. Eloise-although it will be much harder to see-will lubricate. It is unclear what causes these arousals at this age, whether they are responses to physical stimulation or to an internal signal in the baby's mind or body. Some consider these arousals a kind of reflex. They represent the earliest functioning after birth of a child's sexual apparatus.
Being held and caressed are among the greatest pleasures of infant life. So is having your chin stroked and your back rubbed. And so is playing with your genitals. In her eighth month, Eloise coos when her diaper is changed if she feels a breeze on her labia. Max, at ten months, likes to play with his penis, especially in the bath when the water is warm.
It is not clear at what age children begin to find genital stimulation more pleasurable than gentle touching elsewhere on their body. But infants certainly do seek it out, often before their first birthday. Can they have an orgasm if they stimulate themselves? No one really knows what an infant is feeling, but responses that look like orgasms (without ejaculation in boys) have been observed in children during their first year.
Early Childhood (Ages Two to Six)
At age two, Eloise has acquired a vocabulary of 197 words. Modesty is not one of them. There is little she loves more than trotting around the house with nothing on and being chased by a father with a diaper on his head. When she accompanies her mother to the office, she seems to have no problem finding her way into her pants at dull moments. Like at staff meetings.
Ultrawet, the name Max's parents have given his nightly bathtime aquatics show, typically features Max delighting his evening's guests with amazing feats of splashing, prancing, and grooming frivolity.
Like most two- and three-year-olds, these two enjoy being naked, and they have an uninhibited curiosity about bodies-their own and other people's. They will poke, peek at, and squeeze any family member or little friend who gives them a chance. They want to see what people are up to in the bathroom.
Max takes this curiosity with him to nursery school, where, at the age of four, he and his friend Timmy are discovered giggling under an arts-and-crafts table with thei...
How did this happen?
The natural history of your child's sexuality
You are flat on your back. Your shirt is pulled up over your belly, and your pants are down around your hips. Someone has just squirted a glob of cold jelly below your navel. This is one of those miraculous moments in life that doesn't always live up to its billing in terms of physical comfort. The ultrasound.
Your main concern is whether the baby will be normal. But you are hoping for a little fun. "I want to see a face," you say, craning up from the table. And you want to know if it's a girl or a boy. The last time they said they couldn't be sure.
The radiologist starts sliding the probe over your belly.
"There's the head."
"The head? Where?" She bends the monitor in your direction.
"See, right here."
You see something that looks like a blizzard being broadcast on a 1969 Magnavox.
"Where?" (Is she pressing harder?)
"Here, right here, see that?"
She is definitely pressing harder. You consider humoring her. Then a ghostly face appears in the snow. It is tiny, but it is a face. You can make out a delicate profile: an eye, and a nose, and cupped up near its open mouth, a tiny . . . something.
A burger?
"That's its left hand."
A left hand! The baby looks so sweet and tranquil, as if it's asleep. A sleeping angel. A staticky sleeping angel.
"It's a boy."
You are now in a new part of the blizzard.
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure. See, here? Between the legs?" Now she is pressing with real excitement.
"Oh yeah, those are legs. I definitely see them."
"Well, if you look right between them, you can just make it out."
"Make what out?"
"His penis. You see? He's got an erection."
"A what?"
An erection.
Your Child Is Already Sexual
We know two things about children's sexual development: Children learn about sex from the world. And children are inherently sexual.
We have all easily accepted the first idea. The second one gives us a little more trouble.
At least since the Enlightenment days of John Locke, the idea of a child as a blank slate scribbled on by the world has been a favorite. Nowhere has this idea held more sway than in the area of sexuality: We like to think our children are born without it.
A hundred years ago, the Victorians, who perfected the idea of the innocent child, made a science out of sheltering children from knowledge about sex, going so far as to clothe suggestively nude piano legs with ruffled skirts. Children were innocents. Adults were sexual. If children became sexual, it must be through the influence of adults. Just as we worry about the effects of the Internet today, Victorian heads of household feared the nursemaid might kindle randy thoughts in their children while Mother and Father were away.
Little wonder the world considered Freud's theories of the inherent sexuality of children about as welcome as salmonella at a state dinner.
We have learned a lot about the sexual development of children since Freud first alarmed our ancestors. Many of the specifics within his theory have been discarded. But the core of his heretical idea remains. Sexuality, we understand, develops naturally in all children. Its seeds can be found in infants, and it unfolds into mature sexual feeling in children as they grow, whether we tell them what it all means or remain resolutely silent.
How does this happen? How does an erection on an ultrasound evolve into the complex mating ritual practiced in a school stairwell by a nervous eleventh grader and his best friend's girlfriend's sister?
We are going to answer this question in a moment, to the extent that it's possible, by walking you through the sexual development of one girl and one boy. By the time these two are approaching adulthood, you will have learned all you need to know about the way a child becomes sexual. Throughout the book, we will revisit each of the issues these two lives raise. But before we start inspecting those particular trees, we want you to have a clear view of the forest.
As you will soon discover, sexuality isn't created in a child by her first sex education class. Nor is it turned on by a single hormonal switch that gets flipped at puberty. Instead, try thinking of sexuality as something assembled by each developing child over a period of years out of component parts. Some of the components a child will use for this job are on hand at birth, such as her genitals. When you get a baby girl, the vulva is included, and even before she can speak she will discover that touching her genitals feels good. It looks like there's something sexual about that act, but full-fledged sexuality requires more than sensitive genitals.
With time, this element will connect with other elements not available during infancy. Fantasies of being close to another person may come along several years later. When they do, a child will find that having these fantasies makes her genitals especially sensitive. The pleasure of touching them increases, and from then on, that pleasure is linked with thoughts of being with other people. Now something that resembles our grown-up image of sexuality is beginning to take shape.
In every child's life, several basic elements will grow and combine to form her nascent sexuality. Consider them sexuality's wheels and gears. They are:
*Spontaneous genital arousals
*Pleasurable genital self-stimulation
*Exploratory "sex play" with peers
*Attractions to others
*Fantasies of sex
*The ever-maturing ability to love
To make a long story very, very short: Over the course of a childhood, arousals that were once spontaneous start being cued by attractions to people. Arousing attractions then get linked to fantasies of sexual behavior. And when fantasies stimulate sexual experimentation with peers, an adultlike sexuality is born-at an age young enough to make the average parent gasp.
Obviously, someone needs to learn how to drive this thing. And so, as she is assembling these components, a child will also be developing the intellectual understanding, the moral structure, and the psychological maturity necessary to steer her burgeoning sexuality.
Whatever her childhood experiences, whether she's raised at a nudist colony or learns to sound out the word abstinence in preschool, every child will fashion and refashion some kind of working sexual scooter as she grows. Of course, how it is assembled and how it looks will differ depending on her particular temperament and life experiences. As you may know from your own experience, your child's sexuality will be added to and altered throughout her life. Sexual development never ends.
But we are getting ahead of ourselves.
Let's take a visit to a sleepy community hospital where, side by side in the nursery, are two infants, one a wriggly little newborn-a girl-and one a tiny bald boy, silently sleeping.
Welcome Eloise and Max.
Infants and Toddlers (Birth to Age Two)
Max is born with all the equipment a little boy needs. Before he leaves the hospital, something alarming will be done to his penis. Eloise, who is born with all the equipment a little girl needs, will not suffer any such surprise. They are bundled up and swept off to their new homes. Once there, they will get a lot of action going simply by crying. That action will include a good deal of diapering.
As with other newborns, at diaper time Eloise's and Max's parents may be able to observe that they have spontaneous arousals. Max will develop an erection. Eloise-although it will be much harder to see-will lubricate. It is unclear what causes these arousals at this age, whether they are responses to physical stimulation or to an internal signal in the baby's mind or body. Some consider these arousals a kind of reflex. They represent the earliest functioning after birth of a child's sexual apparatus.
Being held and caressed are among the greatest pleasures of infant life. So is having your chin stroked and your back rubbed. And so is playing with your genitals. In her eighth month, Eloise coos when her diaper is changed if she feels a breeze on her labia. Max, at ten months, likes to play with his penis, especially in the bath when the water is warm.
It is not clear at what age children begin to find genital stimulation more pleasurable than gentle touching elsewhere on their body. But infants certainly do seek it out, often before their first birthday. Can they have an orgasm if they stimulate themselves? No one really knows what an infant is feeling, but responses that look like orgasms (without ejaculation in boys) have been observed in children during their first year.
Early Childhood (Ages Two to Six)
At age two, Eloise has acquired a vocabulary of 197 words. Modesty is not one of them. There is little she loves more than trotting around the house with nothing on and being chased by a father with a diaper on his head. When she accompanies her mother to the office, she seems to have no problem finding her way into her pants at dull moments. Like at staff meetings.
Ultrawet, the name Max's parents have given his nightly bathtime aquatics show, typically features Max delighting his evening's guests with amazing feats of splashing, prancing, and grooming frivolity.
Like most two- and three-year-olds, these two enjoy being naked, and they have an uninhibited curiosity about bodies-their own and other people's. They will poke, peek at, and squeeze any family member or little friend who gives them a chance. They want to see what people are up to in the bathroom.
Max takes this curiosity with him to nursery school, where, at the age of four, he and his friend Timmy are discovered giggling under an arts-and-crafts table with thei...
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Product details
- Publisher : Crown; 1st edition (Feb. 11 2003)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 400 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0812931572
- ISBN-13 : 978-0812931570
- Item weight : 703 g
- Dimensions : 16.36 x 3.2 x 24.31 cm
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,586,504 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #271 in Psychology of Sexuality
- #4,016 in Marriage & Family
- #7,179 in Sex (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Justin Richardson, MD, is the coauthor, with Peter Parnell, of the award-winning picture book And Tango Makes Three. Dr. Richardson is an assistant professor of psychiatry at Columbia and Cornell and the coauthor of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask). Dr. Richardson and his advice have been featured in The New York Times and The Washington Post, on the Today show and NPR’s Morning Edition, and in numerous magazines. Dr. Richardson lectures to parents and teachers on parenting and the sexual development of children.
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4.1 out of 5
57 global ratings
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Reviewed in Canada on March 20, 2003
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Reviewed in Canada on May 2, 2003
This is a guide for parents on dealing with their kids' sexuality, but it is much more than that. It's a primer about human sexuality in general, and hence of interest to parents and non-parents alike. Effortlessly mingling statistical data, anecdotal evidence, illuminating case studies and good, hard common sense, the book is marked by a calm, judicious tone as well as an openness to various cultural backgrounds and points of view. The writing style alone sets the book ahead of the pack, managing as it does to combine humor, erudition and page-turning readability.
But if you begin by admiring this book mostly for the prose, you'll end up cherishing it for its wisdom. It's one to read and re-read and lend out to family and friends - to everyone who has a child or, for that matter, has ever been a child.
But if you begin by admiring this book mostly for the prose, you'll end up cherishing it for its wisdom. It's one to read and re-read and lend out to family and friends - to everyone who has a child or, for that matter, has ever been a child.
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Reviewed in Canada on February 22, 2003
What a great read! I almost finished it in one sitting. This book is not only well-written, it's also chock full of great advice. I found it much more accessible than Deborah Roffman's Sex and Sensibility. It was as if the author knew me and wrote the book for me -- I want my children to grow up with a good attitude about sex, but even so, I feel a little squeamish about these topics. As a mom of a pre-teen and a toddler, I'm glad there's a book out there like this that isn't exclusively focused on teens, though they're well-covered here too. This one's a keeper. Now I've got a great new shower gift idea!
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Reviewed in Canada on February 12, 2003
This is a superb guidebook for parents. As the father of three children (15, 13 and 8) this is the one book that has information pertinent to each--and, actually, to kids of all ages. It is informative in a witty, anecdotal and non-preachy way. I only wish it had been available years ago when the kids were born-- it might have saved me a lot of angst as they were growing-up.
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Reviewed in Canada on January 26, 2017
Have not read this book and probably will not read it because of the following statement in the synopsis:
"How to encourage your teenager to use contraception without encouraging HER to have sex, and how to help HER choose the method that’s best for HER." I do believe this should also be HIS responsibility, hopefully they cover that in the book.
"How to encourage your teenager to use contraception without encouraging HER to have sex, and how to help HER choose the method that’s best for HER." I do believe this should also be HIS responsibility, hopefully they cover that in the book.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries
IndyCurl
2.0 out of 5 stars
Dated
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 22, 2020Verified Purchase
Some useful stuff in here but its very dated ( more than 20 years old). Quite full on advice in places
Simplysusan
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great book for understanding your developing child.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 4, 2015Verified Purchase
A book I tend to dip in and out of. Great book with useful information
Vascular Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must buy!
Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2007Verified Purchase
I read the book and wish I had read it sooner and then I gave it to my 15 year old to read as well.
Much better than A chicken's guide to talking turkey with your kids about sex (preachy at best, as in religious zealots).
I think books are a useful tool to open up lines of communication and purchased this author's book, Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex with a copy of Dr. Ruth's Sex for Dummies for my older teen. I also read and shared, Human Sexuality by Roger R. Hock.
It is my personal feeling that providing your child with information about thier bodies will help them keep themselves healthy. It does not mean we give them our blessings to do whatever they want nor does it mean we have the right to make choices for them. We do as parents have the responsibilities of educating them.
As I have multiple children and liked her reasonable approach I also purchased Dr. Ruth Talks To Kids for my pre-teen. I also recommend the American Medical Association (Boy's/Girls) Guide To Becomming A Teen, and a copy of It's Perfectly Normal.
Copies of It's So Amazing and It's Not The Stork are also worth having kicking around the house but I did find the books to be rather long so don't be surprised if your active younger child does't want to go over them in one sitting.
Sexual development does begin in utero and it is time the average parent understood it better. That "talk" isn't just one talk you have with your child but a series of conversations in the car, at the supper table, when you are getting dressed in the changing room, changing diapers, in front of your best friend, at the doctor's office, and so on. If you are feeling a little shy about it- this book is for you.
Much better than A chicken's guide to talking turkey with your kids about sex (preachy at best, as in religious zealots).
I think books are a useful tool to open up lines of communication and purchased this author's book, Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex with a copy of Dr. Ruth's Sex for Dummies for my older teen. I also read and shared, Human Sexuality by Roger R. Hock.
It is my personal feeling that providing your child with information about thier bodies will help them keep themselves healthy. It does not mean we give them our blessings to do whatever they want nor does it mean we have the right to make choices for them. We do as parents have the responsibilities of educating them.
As I have multiple children and liked her reasonable approach I also purchased Dr. Ruth Talks To Kids for my pre-teen. I also recommend the American Medical Association (Boy's/Girls) Guide To Becomming A Teen, and a copy of It's Perfectly Normal.
Copies of It's So Amazing and It's Not The Stork are also worth having kicking around the house but I did find the books to be rather long so don't be surprised if your active younger child does't want to go over them in one sitting.
Sexual development does begin in utero and it is time the average parent understood it better. That "talk" isn't just one talk you have with your child but a series of conversations in the car, at the supper table, when you are getting dressed in the changing room, changing diapers, in front of your best friend, at the doctor's office, and so on. If you are feeling a little shy about it- this book is for you.
47 people found this helpful
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M. Thresher
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great, useful, informational book!
Reviewed in the United States on March 19, 2009Verified Purchase
I am a Christian mother of a 6 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl. This book is well written, enjoyable to read, and full of articulate information based on research and the authors' experience. I may not agree with every single thing in it, but as an educated, intelligent adult I will use it as I have every other parenting reference book I've read so far. I'll use the info that is helpful to my family's situation and beliefs. This book does have a lot of common sense info in it, which I think is helpful, especially for those of us wanting to maintain an open mind, but not quite able to do so yet when thinking about our children and sex. I wish I'd bought it a few years ago. All in all, a great book!
12 people found this helpful
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Becky H
5.0 out of 5 stars
Outstanding for the parent who NEEDS to know!
Reviewed in the United States on November 3, 2006Verified Purchase
My kids are 10, 7, and 4. This book covers everything from birth until they're living on their own. It gives you honest information without judgment, and it tells wonderful funny stories to remind you that it's not the end of the world if you botch an answer to one of THOSE questions. It can't be as bad as those poor people quoted in the book! People with very conservative values may not appreciate the candid nature with which this book treats homosexuality and teen sex, but I certainly appreciate being armed with knowledge for next time the kids catch me with a loaded question. Believe it or not, this book is actually fun to read!
23 people found this helpful
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