How to Win Friends & Influence People
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This is one of the longest running books in print ever, and despite that this is an insanely old book, this is a great primer for social skills and particularly business social skills. I certainly didn't agree with everything here, but generally the suggestions were really helpful, and there are lots of examples.E.g. In one narrative, the author was at a party where he told his host that his Shakespeare quotation was from a different play then the host said it was, and their mutual friend, a Shakespeare expert also at the party, said that the host was right even when he wasn't. This friend later explained that a guest should never criticize a host or tell them that they're wrong. -- I think this is great general wisdom (to not criticize your host), but I don't agree with lying to avoid telling the host that they were wrong when it came to a direct question. There are quite a few moments in the book where I felt this way -- that the general idea is good, even if some of the details are iffy. There are also moments where the language used wouldn't really slide today, and some moments where it feels a little insincere or manipulative. It's also worth noting that this book is mostly for people who come on too strong, not for people who are too passive, because this won't teach you assertiveness, but courtesy.Regarding the edition: I started reading another edition (2018?) and switched to this one, and found that this one had more examples generally and more examples about women specifically, and also that this version has more gender neutral wording like "salesperson" instead of "salesman" and "someone/a person" instead of "a man", which are great adjustments.I recommend this if you're struggling with some basic social skills, work in business, or generally you come off too strong or too argumentative/attacking with others. You should read it with a grain of salt for some of the details though.
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Top reviews from other countries
Chapman
Hasn't worked
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on March 29, 2020Verified Purchase
Atul Kumar Singh
Read this summary and save your money
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on February 23, 2019Verified Purchase
Atul Kumar Singh
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on February 23, 2019
- The book was first publishes in 1936. So, it’s definitely old! Most of the examples of famous men, you won’t be able to relate at all, because you won’t know who they are. However, you will get point the author is trying to convey.
- The book basically tells you to be agreeable to all, find something to honestly like about them and praise them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time. The book gives practical advice, but somehow I feel if you really put this into practice, you might end up becoming a people-pleaser. You would come across as patronizing, trying to flatter people (I know the book tells you to do it by heart) all the time. You might just lose your respect among your peers.
- I’m not sure how much of this advice would help you in dealing with adults and people at workplace. It may work with kids. For example, it tells you not to condemn or criticize anyone. Now, this is difficult to implement in fast paced work environment, and especially in sales domain where you’re dealing with sales executives on a daily basis. People might just take advantage of you, if you’re too nice to everyone.
- I think the advice in this book would work great if everyone around you would implement the same in their life. However, if you’re surrounded by self-centered people, you’ll end up becoming a doormat if you follow this book.
- At some point, you might feel that the book is giving you pointers on how to exploit other’s emotions in order to gain an advantage for your own self.
- I think best way is to figure out which principles work for you, and which don’t, and accordingly act on it. Don’t blindly go out and try to implement every word written in this book.
Below is the summary of what this book teaches:
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
Principle 1 : Don't criticize, condemn or complain
Principle 2 : Give honest and sincere appreciation
Principle 3 : Arouse in the other person an eager want
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong.'
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatise your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENCE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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Vinayak Dhondge
Great opportunity to improve yourself social relations
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on September 9, 2018Verified Purchase
Unimpressed
It’s just bad.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on April 16, 2021Verified Purchase
Unimpressed
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on April 16, 2021
I’m not a fan of self help books but this book came highly recommended by many YouTubers. Some considered it to be top 10 books they’ve read... which after reading a bit of the book, I find bewildering.
Read the “principles” in the added pictures, saved you £10, you’re welcome.
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Ayush
70 rs me lakho ka gyan mil rha hai bhai
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on October 2, 2018Verified Purchase
Ayush
Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on October 2, 2018
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