Buying Options

Print List Price:	CDN$ 24.00
Kindle Price:	CDN$ 17.99 Save CDN$ 6.01 (25%)
	includes free international wireless delivery via *Amazon Whispernet*
Sold by:	Penguin Group USA This price was set by the publisher.

Share <Embed>

Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts by [Daniel Shapiro]

Follow the Author

Daniel Shapiro

Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts Kindle Edition

by Daniel Shapiro (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

211 ratings

See all formats and editions

Amazon Price

New from

Used from

Kindle Edition

"Please retry"

$17.99

—

Audible Audiobook, Unabridged

"Please retry"

$0.00

Free with your Audible trial

Hardcover

"Please retry"

$23.11

$45.11

$13.35

Paperback, Illustrated

"Please retry"

$23.76

$16.02

$15.58

Audio CD, Audiobook, Unabridged

"Please retry"

$51.00

—

“One of the most important books of our modern era” –Amb. Jaime de Bourbon

For anyone struggling with conflict, this book can transform you. Negotiating the Nonnegotiable takes you on a journey into the heart and soul of conflict, providing unique insight into the emotional undercurrents that too often sweep us out to sea. With vivid stories of his closed-door sessions with warring political groups, disputing businesspeople, and families in crisis, Daniel Shapiro presents a universally applicable method to successfully navigate conflict. A deep, provocative book to reflect on and wrestle with, this book can change your life.

Be warned: This book is not a quick fix. Real change takes work. You will learn how to master five emotional dynamics that can sabotage conflict outside your awareness:

1. Vertigo: How can you avoid getting emotionally consumed in conflict?
2. Repetition compulsion: How can you stop repeating the same conflicts again and again?
3. Taboos: How can you discuss sensitive issues at the heart of the conflict?
4. Assault on the sacred: What should you do if your values feel threatened?
5. Identity politics: What can you do if others use politics against you?

In our era of discontent, this is just the book we need to resolve conflict in our own lives and in the world around us.

Print length

350 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Penguin Books
Publication date

April 19 2016
File size

4680 KB
Page Flip

Not Enabled
Word Wise

Enabled
Enhanced typesetting

Not Enabled
See all details

Product description

About the Author

Daniel L. Shapiro is a world renowned expert on the psychology of conflict resolution. Named one of Harvard’s top 15 professors by The Harvard Crimson, he founded and directs the Harvard International Negotiation Program and regularly advises everyone from hostage negotiators to families in crisis, disputing CEOs to clashing heads of state. --This text refers to the paperback edition.

Review

“A masterpiece—clear, insightful, and practical. . . . Highly recommended!”
—William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes and author of Getting to Yes with Yourself

“Quite simply, the best book I have ever read on negotiating in situations of extreme conflict.”
—Matthew Bishop, The Economist Group

“Brilliant insights to the baffling conundrum of our age, intractable disputes of all kinds.”
—Daniel Goleman, author Emotional Intelligence

"Excellent."
—David Brooks, The New York Times

“Shapiro exposes the myth that humans are primarily rational in their decision making. . . . More importantly, he discusses the conflicts between good and bad that take place in all of us. . . . The world has been enriched with another intelligent lecture on how we should interact with each other. Hopefully this time we will listen.”
—Forbes

“Daniel Shapiro gives you the tools to transform yourself.”
—Rick Kleffel (KQED), Rainbow Light blog

“I have recommended Shapiro’s book more than any other book I have read in quite some time.”
—PsychCentral

“A blueprint for successful negotiation.”
—Booklist

“Appealing to rationality isn’t always the best way to mend a rift; instead, both parties in a negotiation have to be willing to get in touch with the conflict’s more emotional underpinnings. In his book, Negotiating the Nonnegotiable [Shapiro] shares the strategies he’s used to help people in all kinds of settings access the core emotions driving their conflicts and reach mutually beneficial resolutions.”
—Business Insider

“A must-read! Dan Shapiro’s Negotiating the Nonnegotiable offers bold, practical, and uplifting advice to reduce the turmoil of conflict and foster reconciliation in your professional and personal life.”
—Michael Wheeler, Harvard Business School

“Daniel Shapiro provides us with one of the most optimistic and compelling approaches to conflict resolution of our time.”
—Howard W. Buffett, Lecturer in International and Public Affairs, Columbia University

“With telling examples from the bedroom to the boardroom to the war room, this book gives us something invaluable—a way both to see the perils of identity conflict in negotiation and to avoid them.”
—Robert Cialdini, Author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

“Negotiating the Nonnegotiable is one of the most important books of our modern era.”
—Jaime de Bourbon de Parme, Ambassador of the Netherlands to the Holy See

“A life-changing book! If you are going to read one book this year to improve your life, choose Negotiating the Nonnegotiable.”
—Simona Baciu, Founder and President, Transylvania College

“A modern masterpiece! Bold and compelling from the first page. . . . Every leader should read it and live by it.”
—Katherine Garrett-Cox, CEO, Alliance Trust Investments

“Negotiating the Nonnegotiable is sure to be required reading for diplomats and peace-builders alike."
—Nancy Lindborg, President, United States Institute of Peace

“Those seeking peaceful resolutions should keep this book on a bedside table.”
—David Gergen, former White House adviser; Co-director, Center for Public Leadership, Harvard Kennedy School of Government --This text refers to the paperback edition.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B013Q702GU
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Penguin Books (April 19 2016)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 4680 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Print length ‏ : ‎ 350 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #352,444 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #94 in Negotiating Skills (Kindle Store)
- #94 in Professional & Technical Negotiating
- #98 in Diplomacy (Kindle Store)

Customer Reviews:
211 ratings

About the author

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.

Daniel Shapiro

Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.

Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

Daniel L. Shapiro is an internationally renowned expert on conflict resolution. Named one of Harvard’s top 15 professors by the Harvard Crimson, he founded and directs the Harvard International Negotiation Program, and regularly advises everyone from hostage negotiators to families in crisis, disputing CEOs to clashing heads of state. His greatest learning has come from negotiating with three of the world's toughest bargainers: his three young boys.

Roger Fisher
237
Kindle Edition
1 offer from $13.99
William Ury
744
Kindle Edition
1 offer from $15.99
Deepak Malhotra
222
Kindle Edition
1 offer from $17.59
William Ury
470
Kindle Edition
1 offer from $13.99
Roger Fisher
6,708
Kindle Edition
1 offer from $14.99
Amanda Ripley
651
Kindle Edition
1 offer from $13.99

Customer reviews

5 star		77%
4 star		10%
3 star		8%
2 star		3%
1 star		3%

How are ratings calculated?

Top reviews from Canada

There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

Krystheen Carrier

Ouf quelle déception

Reviewed in Canada on February 6, 2022

Verified Purchase

Long et ennuyeux une des rares livres que je n’ai pas été en mesure de terminer car une vraie perte de temps.

Helpful

Ellen

Negotiating the Nonnegotiable

Reviewed in Canada on June 26, 2019

Verified Purchase

Totally loved this book. The sum and the personal application worksheet at the end of each chapter was very helpful. The information is awesome. I think everyone should read it.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

SMP

Great book

Reviewed in Canada on November 15, 2020

Verified Purchase

Great read

Helpful

Nancy Emms

Thanks for the book. I just order the books ...

Reviewed in Canada on October 31, 2017

Verified Purchase

Thanks for the book. I just order the books.

Reviewed in Canada on January 27, 2020

Verified Purchase

Very well received! Thank you very much.

Reviewed in Canada on August 4, 2017

Verified Purchase

Brilliant!

One person found this helpful

Helpful

How to recognize, understand, and then effectively resolve the unconscious forces that cause human conflict

Reviewed in Canada on April 19, 2016

The title of this book certainly caught my eye, as it was intended to. Why negotiate if the given issues are nonnegotiable? Of course, some issues are less negotiable than are others but almost all issues can be negotiated so I proceeded through Daniel Shapiro’s narrative, curious to share his thoughts about how to resolve the most emotionally charged conflicts in relationships. The etymology of the word negotiate is instructive. It probably dates back at least to the Latin term “negotiatus” and — over time, has meant the removal of barriers to “communicating in mutual agreement.”

Shapiro introduces what he characterizes as “a new paradigm for resolving conflict — one that speaks to as much of the heart as to the head. Just as scientists have discovered the inner workings of the physical world, my research in the field of conflict resolution has revealed emotional forces that drive people to conflict. These forces are invisible to the eye, yet their impact is deeply felt: They can tear apart the closest friendship, break up a marriage, destroy a business, and fuel sectarian violence. Unless we learn to counteract such forces, we will tend to engage repeatedly in the same frustrating conflicts, with the same frustrating results. This book provides the necessary tools to overcome these dynamics and foster cooperative relations, turning the more emotionally charged conflict into an opportunity for mutual benefit.”

I hasten to add that this book will be of substantial benefit to supervisors and their relations with their direct reports, to be sure, but it will also help prepare supervisors to increase their direct reports’ understanding of various emotional forces. Conflicts at all levels and in all areas of every organization need to be resolved “in mutual agreement” as well as the inevitable conflicts that develop with customers.

Organizations as well as individuals have an identity that, Shapiro suggests, has five pillars (BRAVE): beliefs, rituals, allegiances, values, and emotionally meaningful experiences that are memorable. When one or more is threatened, conflicts immediately develop with regard to the source of the threat, of course, but also between and among those who feel threatened. I agree with Shapiro about the importance of what he characterizes as “relational identity”: affiliation (i.e. emotional connection) shared by those involved, and, autonomy (i.e. feeling unrestrained). “In a conflict, the core relational challenge is to figure out how to satisfy your] desire to be simultaneously one [begin italics] with [end italics] the other party (affiliation) and one [begin italics’ apart from [end italics] the other party (autonomy), Fundamentally, how can you coexist as both two ones and one set of twos?” That in the proverbial nutshell is how to resolve most conflicts.

These are among the passages of greatest interest and value to me, also listed to suggest the scope of Shapiro’s coverage in Sections 1-3:

o The Method to Bridge the Toughest Emotional Divides (Pages xv-xvi)
o Key Dimensions of Conflict Resolution (7-9)
o Unlocking the Power of Identity (9-10)
o Relational Identity: The Hidden Source of Leverage (17-21)
o Beware of the Tribes Effect (23-25)
o The Disorienting World of Vertigo, and, Obstacles (32-39)
o Breaking Free of Vertigo (39-49)
o Barriers to Breaking Free from Repetition Compulsion (54-65)
o What Are Taboos? (71-73)
o How to Navigate Taboos (75-84)
o Welcome to the World of the Sacred (91-95)
o A Strategy for Negotiating the Sacred (96-109)
o The Pitfalls of Politics, and, Strategies to Address These Pitfalls (113-128)
o Conventional Methods of Conflict Resolution Are Insufficient (132-135)
o Principles of Integrative Dynamics (135-138)
o How a Mythos Works (141-143)
o Strategy: Creative Introspection (143-155)
o Three Stage of Letting Go of a Grudge (165-174)
o A Four-Step Strategy for Proactively Building Crosscutting Connections (177-190)
o SAS: Reconfiguring Your Relationship (192-201)

One of the most common reactions to a threat to organizational or individual identity is what Shapiro characterizes as the Tribes Effect, “an adversarial mindset that pits your identity against that if the other side: it is [begin italics] me versus you [end italics], [begin italics] us versus them [end italics]. This mindset most likely evolved to help groups protect their bloodlines from, outside threat. Today it can just as easily be activated in a two-person conflict, whether between siblings, spouses, or diplomats.” Shakespeare dramatizes the Tribes Effect in many of his plays, notably in Romeo and Juliet, but it is recurrent in great literature dating back at least to Homer and that reminds me the term “barbarian” was coined in ancient Athens and its literally meaning was “non-Greek.”

Shapiro affirms the value of “Fostering the Spirit of Reconciliation” (or Conciliation) in all relationships, one that can avoid or overcome the Tribes Effect. “The world did not have to explode at Davos, and it need not explode in your own life. The potential for reconciliation rests firmly in your mind and in your heart. It is up to you to decide whether or not to use it.”

He also has much of value to share concerning what he characterizes as “The Ladder of Being,” derived from an insight by the German existential philosopher Martin Heidegger “that humans are not things but ways of being in the world. We do not exist as a separate entity from the world in which we live but are intrinsically connected to it. The world does not exist without our consciousness, just as consciousness does not exist without the world. The Ladder of Being calls attention to five levels of self-awareness. No level is more ‘real’ than another, just as the outer level of an onion is no more authentic than its core. In a conflict, it can be helpful to identify your level of being and then consider to what level you aspire.”

These comments remind us that some of our most stressful conflicts are within us, not with another person. The term atonement for those of the Christian faith refers to being at one with God. Philosophers since Socrates have affirmed the importance of being at one with ourselves. This is what Saint Paul has in mind when referring to “many parts, one body.”

Each day, consciously or unconsciously, we are engaged in negotiation about what is right and what is wrong, what to do and what not to do, etc. In “Song of Myself,” Walt Whitman acknowledges that he contradicts himself. “I am large. I contain multitudes.” So do we all. On this point, let’s give Daniel Shapiro the final word. “Our differences are our strength, our similarities are enduring.” The challenge is to recognize them and then embrace them.

11 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Translate all reviews to English

Amazon Kunde

I gave up at 44%

Reviewed in Germany on October 15, 2019

Verified Purchase

I'm an avid reader and learner about negotiations. There are excellent books out there (Start with No, Never split the difference). I found Shapiro's book useless because he takes a moralistic approach: Feel, heal, forgive, bond, accept dialectics etc. .Useless.

3 people found this helpful

Iker

Increíble y útil!

Reviewed in Mexico on October 5, 2017

Verified Purchase

Excelente libro para cualquier aspecto de tu vida en donde tengas conflictos emocionales. Desde tu vida privada con tu familia hasta el trabajo o tu jefe. Un libro que te dará herramientas para toda tu vida y que sin duda volvería a leer.

Translate review to English

PKB

Very informative with real world examples

Reviewed in India on November 5, 2017

Verified Purchase

Well researched and presented with real world examples

One person found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Worth reading

Reviewed in India on September 5, 2018

Verified Purchase

A thought provoking book for negotiations

Hiba

Disappointing quality

Reviewed in India on December 15, 2018

Verified Purchase

Very poor quality print. Cover page is broken or damaged. Looks like used one.

See all reviews

Report an issue

Does this item contain inappropriate content?

Report

Do you believe that this item violates a copyright?

Report

Does this item contain quality or formatting issues?

Report

Amazon Music Stream millions of songs	Amazon Advertising Find, attract, and engage customers	Amazon Business Everything for your business	Amazon Drive Cloud storage from Amazon	Amazon Web Services Scalable Cloud Computing Services

Book Depository Books With Free Delivery Worldwide	Goodreads Book reviews & recommendations	IMDb Movies, TV & Celebrities	Amazon Photos Unlimited Photo Storage Free With Prime	Shopbop Designer Fashion Brands

Warehouse Deals Open-Box Discounts	Whole Foods Market We Believe in Real Food	Amazon Renewed Like-new products you can trust	Blink Smart Security for Every Home

Buying Options

Follow the Author

Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts Kindle Edition

Product description

About the Author

Review

Product details

About the author

Daniel Shapiro

Customers who bought this item also bought

Customer reviews

Top reviews from Canada

There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

Top reviews from other countries