List Price: $36.99
Save: $2.91 (8%)
FREE delivery Wednesday, July 6 on your first order. Order within 13 hrs 12 mins. Details
Or fastest delivery Tomorrow, July 2. Details
In Stock.
As an alternative, the Kindle eBook is available now and can be read on any device with the free Kindle app. Want to Listen? Try Audible.
$$34.08 () Includes selected options. Includes initial monthly payment and selected options. Details
Initial payment breakdown
Shipping cost, delivery date and order total (including tax) shown at checkout.
Your transaction is secure
We work hard to protect your security and privacy. Our payment security system encrypts your information during transmission. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Learn more
Ships from and sold by
FREE delivery July 15 - 27. Details
Used: Like New | Details
Condition: Used: Like New
Comment: Former library book; Pages are clean and are not marred by notes or folds of any kind. ~ ThriftBooks: Read More, Spend Less
Share <Embed>
Have one to sell?
Kindle app logo image

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer – no Kindle device required. Learn more

Read instantly on your browser with Kindle Cloud Reader.

Using your mobile phone camera, scan the code below and download the Kindle app.

QR code to download the Kindle app

Flip to back Flip to front
Listen Playing... Paused   You're listening to a sample of the Audible audio edition.
Learn more

Follow the Author

Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.

Tell Me How to Be: A Novel Hardcover – Dec 7 2021

4.5 out of 5 stars 233 ratings

Amazon Price
New from Used from
Kindle Edition
$23.24 $23.62

Enhance your purchase

Frequently bought together

  • Tell Me How to Be: A Novel
  • +
  • If You See Me, Don't Say Hi: Stories
Total price:
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Choose items to buy together.

Product description


Praise for Tell Me How To Be:

A Lilly's Library Book Club Pick from Lilly Singh

A Most Anticipated Book (The TODAY Show, Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Reader’s Digest, Business Insider, The Millions, Lambda Literary, Goodreads, PopSugar, Bustle, Chicago Review of Books, LGBTQ Reads, Alta, Apartment Therapy)

“A beautiful book about a mother and son…I really loved this book.”
―Rumaan Alam on The TODAY Show

“Patel infuses
Tell Me How to Be with a lively self-awareness, humor and warmth… Mother and son share a love of guilty pleasures in a novel that asks: When you find the melody that speaks to you, why let it go?”
New York Times Book Review

"If you want your heart broken open, Neel Patel’s
Tell Me How to Be, about an immigrant mother still longing for the man she left behind, and her mostly closeted son still struggling with his own desires, is perfection."
―Jennifer Weiner, USA Today

“If you like stories about families coming to terms with long-held secrets, Patel’s self-assured debut should be on your radar.”
Harper’s Bazaar

“This debut novel about an Indian-American family has all the right ingredients: family secrets, love, sexuality, loss, identity questions and remorse.”
―Good Morning America

“Poignant…Fresh…Soulful and convincing.”
The Guardian

"A moving saga of identity and reconciliation."
―People Magazine

“In this soulful, moody novel, Patel shows how Akash and Renu suffer from the impossibility of emotional honesty within their Indian immigrant community in the Midwest, its norms enforced by gossip and social snubs.”
The Minneapolis Star Tribune

“Both irreverent and tender, this story of a recently widowed mother and grown son going through the motions of selling the family home, each trying to figure out how to best make each other happy while learning to accept their mistakes and each other, is a love story at its heart.”
Reader’s Digest

“Generous and soulful…As enveloping and warm as a long-overdue hug from a loved one, and written in accessible, dynamic prose, it’d make a perfect last-minute holiday gift for any son to give a mother, and read for themselves, too.”
Chicago Review of Books

Tell Me How to Be is a quietly wise novel, a love song to families, however imperfect they may be, as well as a tender and fierce celebration of queerness. It’s a lot of books in one, and each one is a knockout.”
Alta Journal of California

―“A funny and moving story about forgiveness and learning to move forward.”

“Patel's well-drawn characters and richly metaphorical style carry the reader along.”
New York Journal of Books

“Neel Patel’s gorgeous debut novel flows so seamlessly that you hardly notice you’re reading it; it feels more like you’re simply existing with his characters.”

“Readers who enjoyed Nadia Hashimi’s
Sparks Like Stars and Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections will enjoy similar complicated family dynamics and needing to read between the lines of what is being said to get at what is meant. Highly recommend to anyone keeping secrets from their families.”
―ALA Rainbow Round Table

“A funny, yet heartbreaking story of a mother and son grappling with grief and moving on from the past together.”

“This excellent debut novel explores themes of love, betrayal, and reconciliation in a modern, funny and tender way that is sure to make it a readers’ favorite in 2022.”
The San Diego Union Tribune

“While the novel does offer wry and dark comedic takes on what it means to be a modern family, it is more accurately a beautifully and carefully crafted chronicle of characters in search of one another, triangulating their past with their present in an ongoing attempt to fully see and be seen.”
West Trade Review

“[A] resplendent debut…Patel skillfully maneuvers through the treacherous territory of abandoned dreams, family squabbles, and cultural clashes before finding a resounding catharsis for mother and son. The result is noteworthy and memorable.”
Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Emotionally rich…A winner for book clubs and those who enjoy a little heartstring pulling.”

“Strong characters and a sharp depiction of familial secrets.”

“Once in a while there comes a book that reminds us of why we read: to feel, to question, to grow. This is that book. A love letter to R&B, youth, and the unforgettable agonies of one’s first love. The emotional truth of this indelibly portrayed family and their messy lives will leave you weeping and shattered. I will read everything Neel Patel writes from here on.”
―Susie Yang, New York Times bestselling author of White Ivy

Tell Me How to Be is daring, hilarious, poignant, and impossible to put down. Neel Patel is a fabulous storyteller!”
―Deesha Philyaw, author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

“A soulful and seductive love song of a book,
Tell Me How to Be is a keen and sharply hilarious celebration of the universal messiness of desire and the necessity of coming clean first with ourselves. I laughed out loud at the prickliness of Renu and ached for Akash through the book's careful unfurling of the past. In this examination of identity through yearning and loss and the enduring consequences of denial, Patel has crafted an unforgettable duet between mother and son.”
―Nancy Jooyoun Kim, New York Times bestselling author of The Last Story of Mina Lee

“I loved
Tell Me How to Be’s story of family, first love, and figuring out your place in the world. Neel's writing is vulnerable, authentic and entertaining. This book gives a fresh perspective to complicated family relationships…something everyone can relate to.”
―Lilly Singh, #1 New York Times bestselling author of How to Be a Bawse

“Neel Patel’s compelling first novel tells a story that is sometimes funny, sometimes disturbing, and, by the end, deeply moving.
Tell Me How to Be explores the high price of secrets, deceit, and regret and the redemptive power of speaking one’s truth. Patel’s short chapters, immensely readable prose, and talent for continually raising the stakes for his complicated characters kept me turning the pages late into the night. A memorable debut.”
―Stephen McCauley, author of My Ex-Life

"Immersive, seductive and elegant, this novel shimmers richly on the surface, even as its depths pulse with potent heartbreak and loss."
―Mahesh Rao, author of Polite Society

Praise for
If You See Me, Don't Say Hi:

“Patel upends what we think the experience of Indians in America looks like. It’s about time.”
―Rumaan Alam, author of Leave the World Behind

“Refreshing…Defiant…Consistently surprising.”
The New York Times Book Review

“Patel writes with the wisdom and compassion of an old soul.” ―Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere

“Surprising, funny…Brave…A reminder that messiness makes the human experience beautiful.”

“A joy to read, reminiscent of Jhumpa Lahiri and David Ebershoff. What exquisite writing. What a tremendous talent.”
―Imbolo Mbue, New York Times bestselling author of Behold the Dreamers

“Patel turns his lens on Indian-Americans, addressing with depth and care subjects that are often overlooked or made into caricature.”
Vanity Fair

“Neel Patel upends stereotypes, especially Indian-American masculinity. He’s at his most remarkable when illuminating the experience of queer men making sense of their sexuality, and allowing themselves to hope for a happy ending.”

“Patel will make you laugh, then cry, then feel uncomfortable, then feel free, all within a few pages.”
―Scaachi Koul, author of One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matte

About the Author

Neel Patel is a first-generation Indian American who grew up in Champaign, Illinois. His debut story collection, If You See Me, Don't Say Hi, was a New York Times Book Review Editor’s Choice and was long-listed for the Story Prize and the Aspen Words Literary Prize. He currently lives in Los Angeles. Tell Me How to Be is his debut novel.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Flatiron Books (Dec 7 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 336 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1250184975
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1250184979
  • Item weight ‏ : ‎ 408 g
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 14.35 x 2.88 x 21.62 cm
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 out of 5 stars 233 ratings

About the author

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.
Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

Neel Patel is a first-generation Indian American who grew up in Champaign, Illinois. His short stories have appeared in The Southampton Review, Indiana Review, The American Literary Review, Hyphen Magazine, and on He lives in Los Angeles, where he is at work on a novel. If You See Me, Don't Say Hi is his debut.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
233 global ratings

Top reviews from Canada

There are 0 reviews and 10 ratings from Canada

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars Moving & Engaging
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 24, 2022
Verified Purchase
2.0 out of 5 stars Quick but unsatisfying read. Interesting premise with poor execution
Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2021
Verified Purchase
3 people found this helpful
Report abuse
Bway Jack
4.0 out of 5 stars Brilliantly engaging first novel
Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2022
Verified Purchase
Amy R. Trujillo
5.0 out of 5 stars How does it end?
Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2021
Verified Purchase
2 people found this helpful
Report abuse
Paria H
5.0 out of 5 stars Fun, fast, heartbreaking, hilarious, a must read.
Reviewed in the United States on February 13, 2022
Verified Purchase
2 people found this helpful
Report abuse