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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew Kindle Edition
- Why your happy child runs a 102 fever on her birthday
- Why adoptees resist talking about adoption with parents
- How to Gain Entrance into the child's world/not gain entrance
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
From Library Journal
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
From the Inside Flap
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home. --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
- ASIN : B000SEFDJG
- Publisher : Delta; Reissue edition (Oct. 5 2009)
- Language : English
- File size : 2083 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 242 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #388,180 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Top reviews from Canada
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Aumend, Sue A. and Marjie C. Barrett. "Searching and Non-Searching Adoptees." Adoption and Fostering 7 (1983): 37-42. Our daughter seems to fall within the well-adjusted, self-assured percentage of adoptees described by Aumend; but when you read Tim Sheridan's paper about the devastating results by the Search Institute, your hair will stand on end, and you'll want to be extra conscious of the twenty points made by Sherrie Eldridge.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
Top reviews from other countries
To start off, she writes as if all adoptive families are the same. Adoptive or not, no family is the same. Period. The author's blunt generalization is a bit insulting. Example:
"The very act of adoption is built upon loss. For the birth parents, the loss of their biological offspring [...]. For the adoptive parents, the loss of giving birth to a biological child [...]. And for the adopted child, the loss of the birth parents."
Not all of those statements are true in all cases. As Crispe herself has mentioned in an earlier review, some parents don't choose adoption because of infertility. Birth parents may have died (instead of having given up the child). Not all children are adopted upon birth, etc. The only way I could have forgiven the generalization is if the book would have explicitly made it clear that it is discussing ONLY this specific scenario (which seems to be the worst case scenario).
I mentioned the book is biased too. To give a very concrete example of bias, I will point out that in the whole book, she only offers 1 quote by an adoptee who seems to have come to terms with his adoption in this part:
" 'After my wife and I had our first child, my adoptive parents gave me the little bit of information they had about my birth family and told me they would support me if I wanted to explore my history or search for birth relatives. I'm not sure why they even think I'd be interested, I'm not. I've always felt okay about being adopted, and my parents are my parents'[...] While this man's perspective on his adoption experience is not uncommon, the majority of adoptees do run into ambivalent or painful feelings at some point in their lives."
Note that she refers to the person behind this quote as "The Man". However, the rest of the book is peppered by quotes from deeply hurt adoptees, all followed by their names. I guess the existence of people like "The Man" bothers the author because it undermines all of her generalizations. She clearly only looked to share the experiences of those who feels the same way as her (you, know like bad journalists do).
My husband stopped reading this book already at page 15 after this part:
"But then she asked her 7-year-old son, who was adopted at 3 days of age, what his perceptions were of his adoption day. His response was startling: 'I didn't know who any of you were. I didn't even know your names. I was so afraid'".
I had to stop my eyes from rolling otherwise they'd fall off the orbits. A quote from a child that remembers his 3rd day of birth? Yes, the book is very manipulative! However, unlike my husband, I decided to continue reading in order to try really hard to find the good in this book (which I did, I'll get to that next).
Overall, I do like the 20 topics listed by the author. It is a good summary afterall. I acknowledge they are all good issues that would be useful to understand when dealing with your adopted child. Even if you don't necessarily agree with the author's discussions everytime. She also provides nice tools on how to deal with adopted children, a lot of which could potentially be applied on a broader variety of cases. If this book would have been stripped of the bias, the generalizations and the constant repetition (yes, she tends to dwell a little), it could have been an excellent book.
I do not recommend this book as a first reading on the adoption topic to anyone who's considering to adopt. If you are new to this, start from broader books (perhaps, 'What to Expect When You're Adopting', by Dr. Ian Palmer). After you have had time to recognize different realities and have formulated some of your own thoughts, then you can try this one out. But beware: as I mentioned in the title, take it with a grain of salt!
Clearly Sherrie Eldridge suffered from being adopted, and it is important to realise when reading this book, that your adopted children may not have the same problems. The age at which a child is adopted obviously makes a great difference, but the idea that children adopted at or shortly after birth suffer a 'bereavement' (mother's voice, mother's smell etc.) was new to me.
I have read the book too late to affect the way in which we brought up our two children, but it has made me realise in a different way what adoption meant to them. I would certainly urge all adoptive parents to read the book.
We will be dipping back into this book over the coming years, just to keep our ideas and responses as good as we can make them.