Amazon.ca:Customer reviews: The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence

89 total ratings, 25 with reviews

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From Canada

sparks

Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on August 4, 2017

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AWESOME

Helpful

From other countries

Michelle

Useful but flawed imo

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on October 19, 2019

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This is a useful book, but it has some issues imo.

As I read the book, my biggest takeaways were this:

1. Sure, you can address girl behavior one-on-one, but if the other girls around her aren't learning the same things, it's all sort of pointless in terms of mitigating girl conflict. People have to know these rules/principles/ideas for any one person to be successful in using them. We still don't have a common language or framework around conflict and interpersonal issues among girls, but we have a plethora of sexism and dysfunctional women raising girls who only know how to be mean. So I think the book has useful ideas, but good luck making a difference.

If your kid is the one who has it all figured out...they'll tear her down anyway. if your kid is trapped in the behavior described in this book...they'll tear her down too. Everyone's fodder for mean girls. No one escapes ime. You cannot win. The book doesn't really address this imo.

2. As I read, I realized so many, so so sooooooooo many moms act like tweens in large groups. No wonder I hate most moms. I can't take the group dynamics...the gossip, the backstabbing, the use of piling on to grab power. Too many adults are frozen in tween conflict patterns...they never learned better, and just my luck, they always run the PTA and carline...I cannot get away from them. Like, yo, I just want to decorate for the Halloween party, but noooo, we have to gossip and undermine everyone like crabs in a bucket instead (this is my life with school aged kids...over and over and over again. You could set a clock by it.). Even if the book doesn't make this connection, it helped me to, and actually I will now be working to focus my time and attention on things where I'm not running afoul of moms in the wild. I'm out and now I know WHY. Cool. I have other things to do.

3. My daughter and I don't argue as presented in the book. I didn't realize that may be unusual and was kind of surprised, but it renders large swatch of advice kind of moot. There were also examples of things I would consider emotional abuse between parent and child, which also didn't seem too relevant. It was hard to relate to some of this as a result. We seem to be in a different place.

4. There's no real discussion of how to defuse a bully. There's discussion of conflict but not what to do when the bully is whipping her proxies into a frenzy so they are lining up to kick your you-know-what. How do you defuse that stuff once it's gotten that far? Going to the 'authorities' doesn't work. I'm not sure this book has any answers.

5. I liked a lot of the conflict resolution stuff, the discussion of validating your daughter's feelings...there IS useful information, it's jut not necessarily able to turn the tide when only one person knows any of it.

While I'll reference this book as I parent my tween and I recommend it overall, it feels rather futile. What's the point of a girl being better when actually doing better relies on everyone being better in the same way? And most of the moms are just looking to cut a b?

I just don't think this book is enough to turn the tide. The author would likely have more impact developing social emotional curriculum for schools AND the moms who still handle relationships like tweens. Or perhaps a video class... a MOOC or something. This needs to be large scale if it's going to make an impact.

9 people found this helpful

Stacy

It's okay for girls to not be overly nice.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on October 15, 2019

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I bought this book a while back. Maybe from Amazon, but most likely from Barnes and Noble. Either way, it doesn't matter. I have been a non-tradition Girl Scout leader for 6 years now. I originally bought this book for my daughter, but she's fine. She doesn't need it, as she has grown up being assertive. As my girls are getting older, I'm getting more and more concerned about their timidness. So I have unshelved this book. All of our girls have attended the same private school together. Where they were taught manners and perfect behavior. They are the perfect little smiling, well-behaved girls who are about to enter public school. I am seriously terrified. The protective bubble their parents and the school have kept them in is going to burst. I have known these girls half their lives. Many of my girls have moved from this private school to public school and are doing great. Including mine. When someone tries to bully my daughter she just gives them a look and they walk away. For years that private school tried to get me to break my daughter down and put her into the perfect private school ideal of how girls should act. I am so glad I didn't. My daughter is strong, confident, and is crushing 7th grade. The reason I'm writing this review is, that now I have three girls I'm seriously concerned about. All three are going to enter 9th grade in public school. They are not at all prepared for this.

Yes, all kids should be taught manners and how to properly behave around adults. But we are not taking into effect how girls and women are treated in the outside world. Sometimes it's okay to not be a nice girl. Girls that are too nice often find themselves in compromising situations that they don't know how to address because their parents haven't taught them that it's okay to sometimes be a jerk. I need these girls to find their voice. Because of this current situation, I think this book is a must-read for parents who have daughters. It's not just about the girls, it's also about the parent's insecurities and how it affects their daughters. My GS's have eating disorders, anxieties, helicopter parenting. I really want to buy this book for those girl's parents. But it may be too late. We need implosion therapy. I'm at a loss. If anyone has any ideas, please leave me a comment.

2 people found this helpful

anna freund

interesting viewpoint

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 29, 2013

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I am half way through this book now, I had to skip quite a lot of the repetitive examples when the author has put in conversations with her girls. Of course it is very American and some of the language is lightweight BUT have a highlighter to hand as you read through and you will be surprised at the hidden gems inside the fluff. I am 51 now and have slowly realised after 35 years of working that I have made no progression in my life and career because I was totally programmed to be a good girl. I was told it was good manners to let other people be first, I had to give up my seat to the stranger on the bus, let my classmates win at sport, let my sister have first choice in everything and be happy to have her clothes after she had outgrown them. At work I was used to train other people up who then were promoted over me, using my knowledge and guidance. So I'm going to fully recommend this book to anyone like me - and I hope that you too find something in here that will let you move away from being 'user-friendly' for every one else to being 'me-friendly' for your own peace of mind. Good luck everyone........

43 people found this helpful

Danielle Sumerlin

I would also HIGHLY recommend this for school counselors and teachers of all grades.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 18, 2020

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I felt like this book explained my growing up psychology in clear terms I could understand. It is fantastic! I read it in anticipation of having my own daughter (now two months old), but it also turned out to be super helpful to me! I first got it from the library, but found it so insightful and useful that I had to get my own copy. The first have analyzes and explains, and the second half is practical with lots of exercises.

I would also HIGHLY recommend this for school counselors and teachers of all grades. There are useful exercises that you could copy and use with students individually who are having a difficult time in relationships or expressing themselves. I’m so glad I found this book. My dad, a school counselor for over 25 years, found the ideas quite helpful, and my mom even started a book club with this book after I told her about it!

Reader

Somewhat Helpful

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 2, 2019

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I kept waiting to get to the "strategies/exercises" section which seemed to take awhile but once there, I found some useful information. This book had some good points along the way and I think it has the potential to be helpful to many (including finding your voice and conflict resolution), but it also misses the bigger picture - the how and why we've gotten to this point. The media - television, internet, news, social media, advertising, entertainment, our "systems" (education, healthcare, politics), and the search for "more" outside of ourselves is a place to start in order to find real answers. If girls, and humans in general, can get past the control system and realize they are being manipulated and that divide and conquer really is a strategy, maybe there's a chance for all of us. To thine own self be true. Kindness, empathy, a strong value system, spiritual strength, critical thinking, living with love - these are the elements that make strong girls and people. What are we emphasizing as important in our society? Real self-worth is intrinsic. I also think it's important to take into consideration cognitive functions - an introverted intuitive feeler is going to handle and process situations extremely different than an extroverted sensing thinker. This book doesn't take into consideration personality differences between girls, or people in general.

10 people found this helpful

Smart Cookie

Insightful but biased and limited.

Reviewed in France 🇫🇷 on March 14, 2017

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This is one insightful book and there are definitely some good advices in it, but to me it terribly lacked depth and carried an overly simplistic view on the issue, I wonder too why in a book intended to help raising authentic confident and brave girls there's not a single chapter about fathers; believe it or not, some fathers do want to get involved, do want to know what it is they're doing wrong, and are responsible for some false ideas and assumptions girls develop. The book argues that the "Good Girl" myth drives girls to constantly seek perfection and since no one's perfect obviously they're bound to fail, what message would any girl(mother to be) get when she opens a book about raising girls and she realizes its main focus are the mothers only ?
I also kinda got the sense that the book was kinda promoting the "chill girl" ideal that's nowadays so widespread and has no other aim but making their male partners lives easier. I bought this book because I wanted some insights on how to perpetuate the importance of authenticity and realness to a young one with actions instead of words, how to teach a "Good Girl" that she can still be and feel free when she is loved ? That having an allergy to commitment and feeling trapped is not a label for "bad" but an emotion as any ? Our generation has been lied to about freedom and I feel like nothing has changed for the generations to be. What I got from the book is really light, I feel like it missed out on the core values of authenticity, self-respect and truthfulness to oneself.

Jen

Illuminating

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 16, 2021

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This book was very well done! Another great book by Rachel. As a mother of girls and therapist of teens, this book gives evidence of the "curse of the good girl" and provides opportunities for how to address said curse. Loved reading!

Corinne Sherry

Highly recommended for mothers and fathers

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on October 31, 2016

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This is an excellent book for mothers of daughters. It's also a great book for anyone who wants to understand the girls and women in their lives--at least those of us who are bound by the idea of our success and worth in the world is contingent on being "good." Highly recommended--gives great information, examples, and actionable advice. A rare parenting book that is chock full of info and not 3x as long as it needed to be to make the point.

2 people found this helpful

Jana Parkin

The best book I've read all year

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on June 15, 2014

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I can't believe how on target Rachel Simmons is. I lead a girl scout group in Zurich and will be introducing the concepts of this book to the girls throughout the coming year and recommending all of the parents to buy this book. Building emotional intelligence is crucial to raising great kids. I wish I had known the things in the book when I was a preteen/teen.

16 people found this helpful

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